planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
