dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
