i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she smelled like a LAN party
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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