Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
