so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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