Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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