no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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