he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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