Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need moral support for this bender
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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