my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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