I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need water and some morals
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
