Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Michael Bay diarrhea
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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