True but thats because hes a fetus.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
sarcasm needs its own font
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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