well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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