i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
