No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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