smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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