I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
4 words: hood of his car
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
