imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
