the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
