fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
