i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
