this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
