i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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