do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
