I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
