There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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