I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
