You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
