i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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