it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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