Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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