I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he quoted the bible to break up with me
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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