everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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