its not stalking. its research.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
