so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
