sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
