did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So apparently I’m into choking now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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