Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
