why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
