ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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