why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
