Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
