i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
