Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
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