Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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