I cannot find my penis.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
