dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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