she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
