is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
