I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
